Blogger v. Wordpress

I'm thinking about switching to wordpress. Blogger is really torquing me lately. What say you oh hoardes of readers who follow my blog? Will you still read me on wordpress? Commenting will work better, that I guarantee.

Green eyed lady

There's this idea out there (stereotype?) that women are our own worst enemies. That when it comes to disagreements or getting along with our bosses we tend to fight amongst ourselves. I've only seen the result of this attitude (my last female boss who told me she had trouble working with female bosses, though I had no problems working for her, or male bosses who have assumed females would not get along) rather than the actual playing out of this. I suppose because it's on my mind a lot I struggle with it. When a man and a man don't get along, they are just people. We women don't have that luxury, so I make an effort to speak positively about other women and get along with them in the few instances I get to actually work with another female.

 

Over a year ago, a more senior female engineer left my group and company for a job where she's doing something that at the time was more "fulfilling" to her. She took a significant cut in pay to do so and left behind a higher level position, pay and respect than someone with her experience would normally achieve. Because of what she accomplished while here, she has a reputation of awesomeness. So when she had an opportunity to take some time of work recently, she suggested coming back on a temporary contract basis for a number of weeks.

 

I was going to go into the more personal reasons, that I suspect the significant cut in pay she took is hurting her. That the money she could make here could potentially be a lot more, maybe even more if they'd pay her the money they offered her when she tried to leave. But maybe all that's irrelevant.

 

The problem is me, and my attitude. I feel like in order to get half the level of pay and respect she got I've had to work twice as hard. I've been with the company a lot longer and really had to force my way into positions and demand higher pay while she was sort of guided into a higher level role. So despite the fact that we got along well when she was here, I now resent the fact that she's coming back. That my company would make the exceptions to get her a whole lot of extra money while I struggle to get paid the same as entry level engineers with far less experience. It's tough because I don't want to discourage another woman engineer. But I feel like I've finally staked out my space in the time she's been gone, and her reputation and how well-liked she was could outshine me in a matter of weeks. Even if it was a permanent move, it could undo all the prestige I've been working away to earn in the last year. I could be pushed back to a lower rung on the ladder while the higher level tasks get handed back to her. And it doesn't help that the powers that be would probably never give another female engineer the same chance they gave her. Just because they made her the token female engineer isn't her fault even if it does hurt me and even if her coming back hurts me.

 

I wonder if it's the attitude of male superiors and the token-ism that really contributes to this idea that women don't get along. We're lucky to get one seat at the table, and then we're expected to compete over it because we won't get any more seats than that. It'd be easier for me personally to rail against this behavior if it was a guy they were doing this for. I wouldn't feel like I'm sabotaging myself when I rage against the differential treatment.

Jesus died for your SUV

If I were a prophet in Israel a couple thousand years ago I'd be pretty psyched to know my name, method of death, and some occasional cryptic messages were not only used to power the capitalist Christian materialism market but also to cover people's cars and minivans. I mean you could donate that money to the poor or work towards a better world, but having a brightly colored bumper sticker is like pretty much the same thing, amirite?

News flash- poor people still poor

A new article in the NYT is discussing how economic security is beyond reach of ordinary Americans. I'm not sure how this is even news, or why this is any revelation of anything new. I suspect if you looked back at the last 100 years in America you'd discover the same thing with possibly a few years of exceptions here and there. I'm not even sure why we're talking about it when one party in power thinks it's a great idea to cut government funding of everything from infrastructure programs to medical care and food banks for the poor. I mean even that's a misleading term, the poor, the unfortunate, who are we looking at here?

According to the report, a single worker needs an income of $30,012 a year — or just above $14 an hour — to cover basic expenses and save for retirement and emergencies. That is close to three times the 2010 national poverty level of $10,830 for a single person, and nearly twice the federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour.

A single worker with two young children needs an annual income of $57,756, or just over $27 an hour, to attain economic stability, and a family with two working parents and two young children needs to earn $67,920 a year, or about $16 an hour per worker.

That's no small change. The burger place near my work just put up a sign that they are hiring at $10 an hour which sounds like pretty good pay for flipping burgers. And by pretty good I mean I'm surprised the fast food industry pays any more than minimum wage, not surprised that somebody should earn that much for doing what I certainly wouldn't want to have to do for a living. It's scary to me how much my income is not above that dotted line and I think what it took to get me here. Are we really going to expect every single person in America to get years of education and work experience where they can reach a level that they can actually have a savings account? This doesn't even cover trying to pay for healthcare which I suspect most entry-level jobs are no longer providing.

The numbers will not come as a surprise to working families who are struggling. Tara, a medical biller who declined to give her last name, said that she earns $15 an hour, while her husband, who works in building maintenance, makes $11.50 an hour. The couple, who live in Jamaica, Queens, have three sons, aged 9, 8 and 6.

"We tried to cut back on a lot of things," she said. But the couple has been unable to make ends meet on their wages, and visit the River Fund food pantry in Richmond Hill every Saturday. With no money for savings, "I'm hoping that I will hit the lotto soon," she said.

Medical billing? I remember when that was supposed to be the cash cow for people to train and do for a living. Like nursing it was supposed to be a given that it would provide stable employment for a ton of people. I think there's a misperception that the poor are out of work people who hit their limit of savings and are struggling. But the real case is they've probably been struggling all along. They've been doing all the things that were supposed to grant prosperity: getting training, getting a job, working hard.

To develop its income assessments, the report's authors examined government and other publicly available data to determine basic costs of living. For housing, which along with utilities is usually a family's largest expense, the authors came up with "a decent standard of shelter which is accessible to those with limited income" by averaging data from the Department of Housing and Urban Development that identified a monthly cost equivalent for rent at the fortieth percentile among all rents paid in each metropolitan area across the country.

They chose a "low cost" food plan from the nutritional guidelines of the Department of Agriculture, and calculated commuting costs "assuming the ownership of a small sedan." For health care, they calculated expenses for workers both with and without employer-based benefits.

Ms. Kuriansky said that the income projections do not take into account frills like gifts or meals out. "It's a very bare-bones budget," she said.

They said they are still working on stratifying this to cities and states. Meaning I bet these numbers will rise in what kind of income it takes to live in a city somewhere, which is of course going to be where people have the best chance of getting employed to begin with. We all know the job market is rotten right now and I'm sure we all have that number in our heads about bare minimum to survive. But if we keep cutting taxes for the wealthy and closing off opportunities for the lower middle class and lower class what can we expect for our future? I mean these people did the right things. Medical billing usually requires some training, and frankly building maintenance is not a job without experience and skills needed. I know I couldn't turn around tomorrow and work in that industry successfully.

I think we have our eye on the wrong ball here. We've been worried about the high unemployent rate and the ever growing time it takes the average unemployed person to find another job. But it's not Joe the office worker who's having to dip into his precious 401k who I think should tug at our heart strings here. Compounding all the difficulties of just getting a job in this economy we're ruining the financial futures of those lucky enough to get these "low level" jobs. And that's not really sustainable economic development.

Priming and the justice system

You may have been wondering why it's been so quiet at Haus Tech lately and the answer is I was called in to do my civic duty as a juror. Due to being boring and having no strong opinions on anything they asked I was unfortunately selected to jury service. Four days later I feel I've aged by years. What began as the most boring multi-day episode of Cops ever ended as very angry and frustrated people arguing, patronizing each other, belittling and badgering the minority which was unfortunately where I found myself.

 

But before all that began I noticed how despite the admonition that an individual is innocent until proven guilty there's a lot going against that individual. The "defendant" doesn't sound particularly encouraging when he's up against "the people". The amount of authority we are willing to grant our police officers also seems boundless. Some of the other jurors felt that a police officer's opinion or viewpoint should be paramount and that because we were all "not on the ground" we shouldn't have an opinion contrary to that. Which of course made me ask the question of why we had a justice system at all if we were going to allow our police officers to be judge and jury as well as enforcer. Sympathizing with the cop or feeling that the cop should be vindicated in their actions led people to side against the defendant rather than be able to separate the two as a difference between an action taken on site or actually feeling a conviction was appropriate. I know I felt badgered and abused, and myself and another minority member had already withdrawn and were no longer able to articulate our viewpoints by the end of the discussion and I wonder how many times someone is convicted because the majority feel a police officer's word or opinion is law and use anger and insults to get the other side to submit to just have it over with. In the end we were a hung jury which I'm sure was a great disappointment to the majority who were surprised we could not come to conclusion by which they meant the minority didn't come around. They were able to see their viewpoint as "fact" whereas the opposing was just "opinion" and felt that because they were in the majority the burden of proof was on the minority rather than on them or the prosecution to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. Several of them opined how sad they were that there were people in this country who felt a police officer's word did not always have to be obeyed and felt we the minority were destroying the criminal justice system. I felt sad that they seemed to have forgotten what the purpose of a justice system was.

Fool me once

Everytime I think I don't have to look for a new job and actually have a future at MegaCorp the brutal truth swings around and smacks me in the face. It's like the know exactly how to reel me in every so often to make me feel like I could stay here, just often enough to keep me from focusing as much as I should on the outside job search. At what point do you try more aggressive methods? Is it worth mentioning my unhappiness and pay disparity or is that going to piss them off to the point of me losing my job? I mean, I've mentioned it, but how in their faces do I have to be to get some traction. Or is it pointless to bargain with fools.

Emails I'd like to write

Dear Important Douchebag,

 

You might remember me, I've done a lot of the work that you and members of your group have passed off in communications to the customer as being your own work. I was a bit surprised when a customer contact looking for information came back to little old me. Because it seems like you sent them some instructions to use a piece of equipment provided by us and failed to indicate the part number or anything specific about that equipment. Then when you tell me it was a piece "made by engineering" I really have to wonder. Because I work in engineering and what we typical do here is put a fucking part number or name on something. We don't just make something and send it off to fairy land with nothing telling you what the hell it is or what you're supposed to use it on.

 

So when you calmly tell me there's no fucking part number I really have to wonder who's driving this thing and why some total fucking douchebag like you gets to take constant credit for my analysis and reports and then sends the customer a fucking instruction to use a fucking part that they have no fucking idea what it is. I'd really like your job because it probably pays 3-4x what I make and I wouldn't have to use my fucking brain which sounds great.

 

No fucking thanks to you asshole,

 

Your Mechanical Engineer

Selling Science

What gimmicks do you use to market your science or engineering blog? I'm a fan of adorable fluffy animals or weird machines or sea creatures. Most engineers I know are visual people and a compelling photo with a hopefully interesting headline just might reel 'em in.

Scicurious recently posted Let's talk about sex (in science). This brought up a rehash of the Science Cheerleaders (or the pretty girls can do science, but remember your number one priority is to be pretty in a traditional way, and by pretty we mean fuckable). You see a lot of bloggers posted about how they either get unprofessional comments on their appearance based on a blog profile headshot or how as professors they get unwelcome attention to their gender and body from students or other professors even. But the verdict was using sex or sexy themes might bring more attention to something, but it does not necessarily do a good job at selling said thing.

One of my fav commenters, jc (when you going to get your own blog and put all your great stuff there?) came out and said something perfect:

"Well, how many women WANT to come forward and say "You were called hot, I was called fat and ugly"?"
...
The Disturbance Hypothesis definitely holds up. Women are a disturbance to men, PERIOD. If you are too smart, you're fucked. Too pretty, you're fucked. Ugly, fat, brown, lesbian…fucked fucked fucked fucked. If you don't wipe some moron's ass, fucked. If you overshadow some moron's ass with your brilliant study, fucked. Whatever the goalpost is for whatever whiny douche, you have to exist below it as a woman, or you are fucked.

Ain't that the truth. I feel angry and left out and margianalized no matter how you throw the dice. I love Dr. Isis but every time she shows a picture of some hot woman it is like shoving my body hate right in my face when I least expect it. Believe it or not I think sciencey blogs do a good job at sheltering me from society's ridiculous expectations. And I know she's trying to present who she is without judging anybody else, but those pictures make me feel judged.

When I talk with coworkers about the douchebag mucky mucks who work here and get away with harrassment and skeeviness and mysoginistic behavior I'm angry that some of my female colleagues have to deal with this kind of unwanted attention. I'm angry the guys who do this have enough power to get away with it and that pretty much any young pretty woman can be a target. But then I'm reminded I don't get this kind of attention and nobody is referring to me as "pretty" and that they don't think of me that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not "one of the guys" I'm pretty sure that's a myth. It's just that my not-as-standard level of female attractiveness or femininity puts me in the category of other.

An object to be ignored rather than objectified, and I don't like either option. I'm angry that my male colleagues accuse women of bringing it upon themselves by dressing a certain way when I know that that doesn't help but I feel disgusted that my own modest clothing choices are judged or publically applauded like it's some ridiculous fucking contest of what ways we all meet or fail to meet the boys' standards. It shouldn't fucking matter how we all choose to dress, so shove it! This is my personal style not because exposing more or less skin means I think a man has any right to objectify me or any other woman. And I'm not talking about noting attractiveness inside one's head, I'm talking about how there are engineers and there are women and some neanderthal male brains can't allow anyone to fit in both categories, or are unable to just have a single category: engineer.

My senior project group members were talking with our company sponsor about purchasing materials. Most so far have come from Home Depot. My group is 75% female and they and the male sponsors started relating stories about either themselves or people they know walking into a hardware store and suddenly getting a ton of male attention. Or walking into a video game store. I nodded and laughed. But I felt like the quote from jc's comment: to paraphrase, you were given attention but I'm so fat and ugly I wasn't even noticed. And I felt sad. Sad that we stereotype that "pretty" women need extra help in a hardware store. Sad that like jc I get simultaneously sexually objectified but also rejected for unfeminine features or for my weight. Rarely do I walk the middle ground of being noticed and respected for my personality or my skills. Everytime I think I'm having a conversation with a colleague I get a cutting comment that reminds me I am at core a woman. And like all other women, I am an incorrect woman who does not meet their perfect standard.

I shouldn't have to say props to the men in my life or the men in the blogosphere who do not objectify and do encourage and do not verbalize inappropriate comments and are able to see past all that shit. But I will say it because I hope these men can be the drivers of a culture shift as I don't think we women can do it alone. So thanks allies and fuck off everyone else.

Face Time

How can I get shit done when you keep inviting me to more meetings?

Or the alternate title, me goofing around with excel instead of doing all the work I should be and am complaining about being overwhelmed with.

But really, the chart design elements in Micrsoft's Excel 2007 are pretty sharp. They make my data look like Fucking Data, man! I'm easily impressed. But then most of the people who read my powerpoint presentations share that same quality.

Weekend at the movies

I saw The King's Speech over the weekend and it was very good. Well, very good if you like an extraordinary cast of excellent British actors, enjoy your history, and are somewhat of an anglophile or take an interest in the British royals. I recommend it if you think you might fit into one of these categories. It was rated R, apparently for language I'd have to guess, but if you're okay with language and have a teen or adolescent who enjoys these sorts of things I think you'd have no problems taking them to it.

 

Then I watched An Education on Netflix which is somehow rated PG-13. It was all right, not as good as a lot of other movies but not bad either. I enjoy a lot of the British actors who were in it and there wasn't a whole lot of sexual scenes or anything but given the adult themes of the movie I had to wonder how something like that gets a PG-13 but something else with too many uses of the f-word gets an R.

 

At the theatres watching The King's Speech a preview came on and I got rather excited. It appeared it was going to be this year's Apollo 13, but instead about the moon landing. The quality looked good, there were all the engineers watching at NASA, and some dramatic shots of the astronauts. Turns out it was some cheap bullshit to introduce Transformers 3. Fuck you Michael Bay.

Ironic or just unfortunate?

• Two days after mentioning I should probably replace my battery, but was afraid to shell out the money in case that wasn't the problem...
• One day after somebody else had to get a jump at work and I was putting in oil and got several offers for a jump...
• Thirty minutes after pulling into the gas station to find out the system had crashed and I'd have to wait for a reboot...
• The one tool I needed to replace it was the one tool not in my car but recently pictured in my new avatar...

Probably the best place to have your battery die is at a busy gas station across the street from a place that sells batteries. I had numerous offers for a jump (people are nicer than I think sometimes) and nothing more convenient like walking over to buy a new battery right when you need one.

Cold Weather and Hard Facts

It's time for some cold weather driving. Break out your snow tires, flip on your AWD, and remember to steer into the spin. The Canton Daily Ledger answers several car myths about oil changes, work from the dealership, and even washing your car with dishwashing soap. However, my favorite is this cold weather classic:

- Myth: My car engine needs to warm up before driving.

During winter months, it is a common practice for drivers to warm their vehicles up inside, but a cold engine will warm up faster when it is being driven instead of idling. If you use your car infrequently, take a few minutes to warm up your car before you drive away. This allows cold, thick oil to warm up, protecting your engine from damage. For cold weather starts, all you need is 30 seconds to ensure proper oil flow and lubrication. In the event of frigid temperatures, driving at a slower speed for a few miles will give your car enough time to warm up.

I'm not saying we trust all our car advice to some yahoo who lives in Illinois (Junior Damato, the Talking Cars columnist) but I wish my neighbors would read his advice. Because I'm sick of hearing their "pimped out", muffler tuned little POS car idling and being revved up for 30-40 minutes every night usually while I'm trying to enjoy dinner or even better while I'm trying to sleep. It doesn't even sound like a proper car. It sounds like someone's mowing their lawn, but then irritatingly revving their lawnmower, and of course it's obnoxious noise is also likely tuned to carry some distance so it's a really loud lawnmower.

It's great they take their car seriously, and it appears they race other vehicles of theirs (which must be how they pay the mortgage since none of them ever seem to leave to go to work, coke dealer also comes to mind). I'm not a specifically automotive engineer, but it's my understanding engine idle is one of the most wearing portions of an engine's life. An engine wants to be in cruise speed. It does make me wonder why so many aircraft engines require such extensive warm-up periods in comparison, but honestly it doesn't get that cold where I'm at, and they don't even drive it anywhere afterwards. Automative engines are pretty hardy stuff. So stop idling your lawnmower all night. Thanks.

Fat and Happy

It takes a lot to feel confident and satisfied with one's life. We have many measures that we hold ourselves up to: work importance, title, paycheck, net worth, philanthropy, volunteering, family, friends, intelligence, wisdom, skills, physical prowess, material possessions, you name it. We identify markers of how we feel our peers are doing and compare ourselves to them on various things we rank in importance. Maybe having the nicest car isn't important, maybe the biggest paycheck isn't as vital as having a job where you feel you are doing good work or having a happy and healthy family. One of the most crucial markers in American society is physical appearance.

Second City, the Chicago comedy group perhaps best known for being a feeder group for Saturday Night Live, has this great video up I'll post at the end. The woman in question states she has a great job, a wonderful husband and two good kids. But she's fat! Says the announcer. And you know what? This comedy video has a point. Why do we as a society condemn ourselves for being overweight when otherwise we might just shut up and consider our lives are pretty good. We get good jobs, have good healthy familes. Many of us who are overweight are often otherwise healthy. But we look fat so we beat ourselves up.

I'm not a part of the Fat Acceptance movement, but I think it has some good points. As in, accept and love your own body. Yes you should strive to be healthy. Eat healthy, eat fruits and vegetables, and get enough exercise (which most Americans do not). But otherwise don't hate yourself or your body. And learn not to judge or hate others who look overweight.

Unless you're a medical doctor, like total a-hole George Lundberg, MD who uses his pretigious medical degree and experience in the field to treat your obesity with this sound advice: stop eating fatty. I know fat shaming and mere words have always worked for me. I know when I just think oh, I need to eat less! I just lose weight like it's melting off. All the comments who back him up come from people who jog five hours a week. So I think the real message here is to just start jogging five hours a week. If you're not physically capable of that right now, well f- you buddy.

So what the hell does this have to do with engineering? Nothing. But I might write Mr. Lundberg and tell him that I spend 40 hours a week or more in a cubicle designing the giant, mechanical machines that defend this country from terrorist threats like Godzilla and Mothra. And I've tried eating less, but the shame I feel about how I look just makes me hungry, as did his article. Pretty much everything makes me want to shove food in my mouth, or watch Star Wars, or both. And if I'm supposed to go start working out who will build the machines to stop Godzilla? If Godzilla finds Mr. Lundberg and starts picking him apart for his juicy bits and a tasty meal I hope the good "doctor" has more sound advice like "hey Godzilla, stop eating me! You're fat enough!" I mean, that'll probably work. He's already solved the obesity epidemic, he might as well move on.

Now for the laughs.

the wonders of technology

I'd like to know who it is that leaves the coffee pot encrusted with burnt coffee sitting in the sink filled with soapy water. I imagine my walking into the breakroom at the moment that person leaves it there to go something like this;

 

What are you doing?

Oh just filling this coffee pot with soapy water.

And then what are you going to do?

Oh just leave it here, let it soak.

Are you planning on coming back to it after you've "let it soak"?

Umm...

Does soaking it clean it?

Umm...

Is there some new technology I'm not aware of whereby soapy water spontaneously cleans things?

Well it just needs to be soaked.

Yeah okay, it's been soaked now, you can clean it.

Well I think it should be soaked a little more.

Do you have some religious faith in the power of soapy bubbles? Have you been watching too many cleaning commercials while you're high on mescaline?

Umm...

 

I suspect that if I were to go into these people's homes I would find they just fill dishes with soapy water and then come back the next day only to see their faith has been rewarded. Much like the spontaneous generation theories of maggots magically appearing on meat these dishes just magically get washed. And lo and behold, it just happened again. The coffee pot spontaneously cleaned itself and coffee was made. If this doesn't restore people's faith (in Mr. Clean) I'm not sure what will.

Sorry Mario

I try to be a strong, independent person. I aim to be completely self reliant whenever possible. True I depend on others for friendship and love but I do what I can to feed, clothe, provide for myself, lift things, move things, fix things, learn things whenever possible. Sometimes though there is a part of me that just aches for a Fairy Godmother to come down from the fluorescent lighting and just "fix" things or make things better. Make me a new carriage out of a pumpkin. Cast an enchantment on my superiors so they will all adore me and throw money and titles and appreciation for my hard work in my direction. Sell my house for me. Make my next class not impossibly difficult.

 

My rational brain knows none of this will ever happen. That I will have to be personally responsible for every step along the path, every stair along the climb. But my irrational mind keeps up some latent hope that my Stuart Smalley is just beyond the bend, waiting to give me that pep talk. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me.

Watch your language

Dear dude who just apologized after cursing. I heard you say, "Oh shit" and then saw you look pointedly at me with a belated "Oh sorry."

 

Guess what. I have heard curse words before. I have strung together wholly unique combinations of words that would make a sailor blush (come to think of it, I don't know any profane sailors, so sorry sailors). I am not a "little lady" that you need watch what you say in front of. If a 3rd grader has heard that kind of language, so have I. You don't need to apologize. We all get upset. Like when you click the wrong window and I see you've been browsing women's underwear. That's an acceptable time to curse if you feel like it. I get it. You curse, your grandmother curses, we all curse. It lets off steam in the working world. So stop looking at me afterwards and apologizing. I am not some frail object that has managed to grow up past the playground, through college and now into your office and gotten by without hearing whatever word you want to exclaim.

 

Because it really makes me angry. It makes me want to curse. I want to ask you, "What the fuck are you apologizing for, you think I haven't ever fucking heard that word before asshole?" But I know that would squash your ideals of womanhood and feminity. And clearly I have not passed the bar to being "one of the guys" as even in your moments of frustration you can never forget that I am a woman, and never shrink from applying your own perceptions to what and who you think I am. But I'm not worried about that today. We all curse. Your dainty little wife curses, maybe when you're not around so as not to upset your sensibilities. So please stop fucking apologizing.

You won't like me when I'm angry

That's right I'm about to bring out the b-word. You know the one. It's the one male colleagues call me when I'm not being sympathetic enough to their little problems that day. When I say "I'm sorry I'm really busy and have to work on this" or "yeah that's a shame but there's nothing I can say or do that will help." They know the guys will tell them to grow a pair and suck it up. But they expect me to nod my head, tell them they're totally victimized, and be their mommy/sister/grandmother substitute for the day.

I read Evil HR Lady a lot. People write to her about corporate conundrums and she answers them as best she can. I'm not a fan of HR as most people have reduced its effectiveness to nil. However, her advice is usually so in keeping with what I see in the working world it's like it could have sprang out of my head the way Athena sprang out of Zeus's skull (and you thought a c-section was rough). Until today. She writes over on BNET, women who complain about sexism are just pansy whiners and have only themselves to blame. Okay, I'm paraphrasing a little (ok a lot). She's saying, effectively, women are responsible for their own choices and that often women choose family over career and can't complain when they're discriminated against at work. When discussing one conference's failure to get more women speakers EHRL says this:

It’s not that they are discriminating against women. It’s that women are choosing not to enter into the field in the first place, and those that do choose to enter in are so busy they can’t speak at every conference.

EHRL criticizes women who complain about being discriminated against in the workplace, saying most of them made their own choices and are responsible for the outcomes. Well I haven't met any of these women. You know who complains where I work? Old white guys. They like to talk loudly about how hard they have it. How easy it is to be a woman or a minority these days. How everything out there is to help minorities or women. There's women's centers, minority organization, where's their organization for poor, discriminated against middle class christian white men? I mean what with the war on christmas and all, you just really got to feel for these guys. Positions just get handed to women and minorities, we don't even have to work for it.

The real life me is a lot less chatty and honest than I am here. The real life me nods sympathetically and doesn't point out there's still a gender wage gap. That after a mere THREE YEARS of working experience, women engineers make less than male engineers. I can't say that crap out loud. You even hint that you have it a little tough as a minority or a woman at my work they treat like you some monster that's tearing apart life as they know it.

When minorities complain where I work they do it in careful whispers. I've talked about it before. And I dare not say anything. When someone higher up told me to organize and take minutes because "girls are good at that" I couldn't say anything. Because he is a superior. And correcting a superior gets you fired, male or female. When another higher up rejected a candidate for a promotion because "she is pregant and we are about to lose her soon" I could only watch helplessly. She came back to work after the baby, and will never know she wasn't considered due to her pregnancy. I waited over a year to get into a technical role, was told I needed to "be patient" and not get "so uppity" that they had to make sure I was "qualified" first. Only to watch several other men get transferred into the same position shortly after with way less education, and significantly less experience. Perhaps qualified was a euphemism for penis. However, if I ever verbalized a complaint I would be gone faster than you can say "at will state".

I know the choices we make contribute to how we are treated at work. Like when I wear the magnets on my boobs that perpetually attract my boss's eyeballs. Definitely my choice sorry. Or maybe my choice I have boobs at all. Perhaps I should lop them off if I don't want people staring at them. Or when my boss just started rearranging his balls in front of me I made the choice not to say out loud "what the f!#^& are you doing? did you really just grab your balls right in front of me? since when did that become ok office ettiquette?"

As for EHRL thinking it a trivial matter that we worry about women speaking at conferences I ask her to think again. The engineers I work with are very visual people. And when managers make a decision about whether to hire you, promote you, etc they do it almost instantaneously. They have an immediate judgment as to who you are, how good you are, and what you're all about. When they're thinking about whether to hire you or promote you they flash back to "what makes a good engineer" and inevitably start thinking about good engineers they have known. If all those good engineers are white dudes they might think you as a woman or as a minority male are not "qualified." They'll think that white guy they just interviewed "has what it takes" without even realizing it's because he matches up with all their previous experience. They're not actively trying to discriminate, probably don't even realize they're doing it. I don't wring my hands and call it illegal. Sometimes I write about it here, to blow off some steam and try to remind myself I'm not alone in this world.

Then some woman comes along and says "i'm not a feminist" or "i think women are just whining". And I think she's either completely ignorant, or is trying to fit in with the boys club. She knows men don't like "feminists" and pictures them with hairy legs and bad attitudes. Not people who stand up for a woman's right to get paid equally or that no woman deserves to be raped no matter how she's dressed or how she acts. That women should be treated as equal human citizens not second class objects. By that definition many men could probably count themselves as feminists. But a few crazy people have convinced society as a whole that "women's rights" are completely bunk and that a good woman criticizes her own kind for wanting representation.

If the women working in a tech discipline is 20% and the number of women speaking at a conference for that industry is 0% that's discrimination. It doesn't mean miraculously all the women are busy. It means the guys in charge are going by Ye Olde System of who you know and picking guys they worked with, or their friends, etc. Putting a few competent women up is a good way of proving to the naysayers that women are just as competent as men. Because if you keep excluding them from public speaking or from management a certain sector of society will continue to believe women are just not good at those things and not bother to hire or promote the women who do want to work in those industries.I've heard that bullshit before. The "we just can't get enough women" line. It's about as accurate as employers, in this economy, still not hiring because they "aren't getting qualified applicants." EHRL has never worked in a male dominated industry. Sure, maybe she worked for a company that was male dominated, but if she's in HR she never experienced the full barbarity that is being in a technical role amongst the dudes. Industry average for my field is 10%. In my classes there are about 20% females. And yet in my department, there is less than one percent female engineers. I'm sure that's not discrimination. Probably women whining. I'm sure the women in my classes are choosing to go do something else. Like raise their baby daddy's baby instead of working in an industry like mine.

Case of the Mondays

I hate feeling a little ill due to something I ate last night, lack of sleep or something I ate or didn't eat this morning. I hate sitting at my desk trying to keep it together and not vomit all over everyone. I hate having to plug my ears while hearing the same story about hemodialysis that I've heard before twenty times and has never bothered me but now I can't stand to listen to a second of it. And most of all I hate pretending that I'm in an ok mood and not being able to say "i'm not feeling well right now" or "sorry I'm feeling a little sick". Because I'm in possession of uterus.

 

Because if I have to hear uh-oh, you sure you're not pregnant? I might flip out. When I say "hey, I can be sick without it being pregnancy. This happens to me a lot. Yes I'm sure I'm not pregnant." There's still that empty space, that you're really sure? And a rolling of the eyes.

 

I feel ill often. Most often after not getting a good night's sleep which when you're in school and working full time happens pretty frequently. I'm sure the three cookies I ate before bed didn't help. It's also possible not having protein with dinner last night was a contributor. This all happens often enough I know how it works. But it doesn't matter why I'm ill, I can just never be ill at work in the mornings or some a-hole will assume it's connected to my uterus. Nothing like being sick and having to pretend you're not, and you're actually feeling fabulous, so I don't get someone commenting on my possible reproduction.