OFFICE OF THE VICE CHANCELLOR -
January 29, 2010
ALL ACADEMICS AND STAFF
SUBJECT: Blah Blah Privacy Act (BBPA)
Coordinator for the campus
I would like to inform the campus community that as of February 1, 2010,
our new BBPA Coordinator for the campus will be University
Registrar, O. Verp Aid. Given the critical role of the BBPA
Coordinator it was imperative to identify someone who has expert
knowledge in this critical policy area.
Verp has served as University Registrar and Director of Enrollment
Services at the University of Somewhere Else, and Who Cares State
University. He also served as the Assistant Vice President for
Enrollment and Access at Somewhere Else University, and as Executive
Director of Enrollment and Student Success for the Global Campus at
Who Cares State University. Verp brings a wealth of knowledge and more
than thirty years of experience working with BBPA - related issues.
Verp has been University Registrar since January 2009.
I would like to thank Verp for agreeing to serve in this role. He will
continue to provide the level of expertise needed to insure that we
maintain the highest level of BBPA compliance.
Vice Chancellor -
I hope Verp gets a pay raise because he's not even in the system. I assume this mean he's working for free (ok it's true, the salary tables aren't recent enough). Jane Jones though makes $228,437. So I'm going to assume she didn't even write this herself. Verp also will likely continue to do no real work as the administrative staff below him working for one quarter or less of Jane's yearly salary will do all the real work.
OFFICE OF THE QUEEN BITCH -
January 29, 2010
ALL OVERPAID EXECS
SUBJECT: BUDGET SHORTFALL (BS)
I would like to inform the highly paid executives who decided
to increase my student tuition by 30%, with 15% of that coming
within a month of making the decision, that they are warned and
hereby ON NOTICE that all levels of snark can and will be delivered
to them. While I am aware of our failing state legislature and how
this has resulted in a BS problem for you executives I do not believe
you have thought creatively about your problems.
In addition to this increase you also asked the State for "an additional
$913 million to restore program cuts, pay for unfunded enrollment
growth, end employee furloughs and contribute to the Retirement
Plan." I am extremely dismayed that your high priority requests do not
include any for Student Aid and do not even take into consideration
that the University should solve its own problems before increasing
its size without a reasonable plan for sustainable growth.
I assume the $10 million in your budget set aside for a new Medical
School in NoOneWantstoLiveHere (located conveniently in between
two thriving and pre-existing Medical Schools that are approximately
200 miles apart) is for buildings only and that in the next few years
costly Medical School salaries will increase this budget.
I also note that employees have not been contributing to the
Retirement Plan for the last 19 years and that due to a now failing
stock market you will be required to re-start contributions at a cost
of $96 million to the system. Considering private industry has cut
matching funds and even the federal government dropped its
pension in exchange for a 401k-like plan I am further dismayed
you brilliant academic executives could not consider such a plan
that would require employee responsibility rather than placing
retirement on the shoulders of your already overburdened with
I look forward to your further updates when you promote or hire
new Chancellors of Expendability and as you are providing no
metrics as to how these executives are succeeding or improving
the program I will continue to measure them the only way any
citizen can right now; their paychecks.
Vice Peon -
For your viewing pleasure; the published salaries at about $246k and above (I got too lazy to go any further). I've removed all the medical school professors (which made up a LOT in between) as my knowledge of what's reasonable in those terms or what tuition medical students might be paying is completely unknown to me. Given how many I had to remove though I can only hope they considered raising tuition on medical students as well and not just business and engineering students because we "cost more" what with our one lab class a year and all. Names have been removed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). For reference the local stats in my metropolitan area: Males had a median income of $36,984 versus $31,076 for females. The per capita income for the city was $23,609.
VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA) $772,250
ASSO V CHAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC $709,719
(FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC $570,899
ASSO V CHAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC $563,500
DEAN (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC $514,280
MISCELLANEOUS $472,683 
(FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC $403,935
CHANCELLOR $401,116 
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $365,010
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $342,800
(FUNCTL AREA) OFFICER-EXEC $327,917
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $310,917
SR VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA) $308,916
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $292,850
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $291,364
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $282,633
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $280,217
DIRECTOR (FUNCTL AREA)-EXEC $269,082
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $267,867 
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $265,733 
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $260,067
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $259,700
VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA) $259,643
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $258,133
VICE CHAN (FUNCTIONAL AREA) $251,100
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $252,667
PROFESSOR - ACADEMIC YEAR $250,833
DEAN (SCHOOL/COLLEGE)-EXEC $250,000
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $247,167
PROFESSOR-ACAD YR-BUS/ECON/ENG $246,167 
 MISCALLENEOUS? WTF! This is the "former" President, not sure if this is partial payment for the year he resigned or just old and out of date
 The big cheese, you'd THINK she'd be paid the most
 I'm in this guy's class right now, he's probably 75+ year's old, and while he's "nice" I wouldn't classify him as one of my better teachers, nor does he seem to have done a whole lot of research in the last decade. He's teaching my class and a graduate level class from what I can tell.
 I had this guy before. He has this beautiful beach view as his desktop computer background. The TA (who might be one of his students) told us it was the view from his house. The Prof responded "oh no, no it's not!" like it was a joke, but then mumbled "Well it is but I don't want them to get the wrong idea." What's the wrong idea? That you can own a multi-million dollar home with a gorgeous beach view? Why wouldn't you want us to know that?
 The head of his department, also surprised it's not higher.
 There were only like 5 women on this list(and none of them were professors), but like, who cares.